This morning, I studied your face, watching your sweet little lips smile as you dreamed. I found rest in the gentle rhythm of your little breaths and peaceful coos. And I was brought back to this day last year. We had just spent the weekend "celebrating fall" as we do every year. Your sister was 9 months old, and I was just getting the hang of this motherhood thing. We were about to close on our new fixer-upper, and your daddy's head was full of project ideas for making this house a home. But I felt off. I didn't know what was wrong, but for some reason, I took the only pregnancy test I had, just to make sure. As that test turned positive, my hands began to shake. My heart raced as I tried to control my emotions. Those pink lines weren't expected. How could I possibly be ready for another baby, when I still had a baby in the other room? I was excited, anxious, and unprepared.
For nine months, those feelings didn't go away. And as my belly grew so did my worries and anticipation. I worried how I would love two babies equally. When you wouldn't move around in my belly, or when I hurt my back trying to lift your sister, I would worry if you were going to be ok. And all too often, I questioned why God had given me two girls so close together.
But today, today looking at you, a year later, displayed the beautiful perfection of His timing. A lot of children like you are called accidents or surprises their entire life. But you, my darling, are the answer to the prayer I didn't even know how to pray. You are a gift. A gift of friendship and companionship to your sister. A gift of pride and joy to your precious daddy. And a gift of second chances and treasured moments for your mama.
As I look back on this day last year, I am overcome with gratitude. I am thankful for a Creator whose plans far exceed my own. I am thankful for the two beautiful girls I get to nurture. And I am thankful for all of life's unexpected treasures.
October 2nd will forever be one of my favorite days, all because of you, my sweet Lettie. I love you.